Chemistry and Element Jokes and Puns

You dont hear a lot of jokes, puns, or riddles in physics and biology, but chemistry is full of them. Here is a collection of reader-submitted chemistry jokes and puns. Some of them are groaners, but some are quite funny. You can read other jokes specific to certain topics, like Mole Day. Two guys walk into a restaurant. One guy says I would like some H2O. The other guy says I would like some H2O too (H2O2). The waiter delivers the drinks and the second guy dies after imbibing his. (H2O is water, while H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.) I told a chemistry joke... There was no reaction.Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements? If you cant curium or helium, you barium!Are you  hydrogen? Why? Because I cant live without you.Are you 11 protons? Cause you are sodium fine.What did the chemist say to motivate his team? We ARGON to BARIUM.What dont you understand about copper? It makes perfect CENTS!A good way to remember gold is Au gimme that gold.What do you do with a dead scientist? You barium. Thats if you cant helium or curium.A wrestler holding down an opponent may have a NEON him.Two chemists walk into a bar, the first says I will have some H2O and the second one says I will have some H2O too and the second one dies! Hahaha (get it... H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide and you cant drink it or you will die)What happened to the chemist in the cave - Berkelium (bear kill him)Hey want to hear a joke about potassium?... KYou must be ethidium bromide, because Im tangled in your double helix.Are you made out of beryllium, ununtrium, and titanium ? Cause youre a BeUTi ( beauty)Do particles with multiple helium isotopes have mass? Only the Catholic ones!Are you feeling under the weather today? Because you look like youre Na fine.Sooo I was gonna tell you a joke about sodium and hydrogen......but NaH.So an atom walks into a bar with a gun and the bartender says Who are you and what do you want? to which the atom replies The names Bond, Ionic Bond, and I want an electron taken, not shared.What do you do to dead elements? You barium.I was looking for sodium on the periodic table, but then it told me it was not available!  (Na)What do you say when: oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous walk into a bar? OH SNaP!Knock Knock, Whos There? Beryl.  Beryl who?  Beryl and LiumAre you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? Because youre so fine! F is fluorine, I is iodine, and Ne is the element symbol for neon.What did the chemist do when he cut his leg? He put his neon (knee on) a table to bandage it up.Chemistry jokes are sodium funny! Hah... say it out loud.sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!Argon walks into a bar. Bar man says, We dont serve noble gases. Argon doesnt react. (Noble gases are unreactive.)I am a superhero Fe Iron Male man Therefore I am iron man.What is the elements favorite carnival ride? The Ferrous Wheel, of course!Forget hydrogen youre my number one element.When someone I dont like asks me to hang out I tell them sodium hydrogen. (NaH)Did you hear Oxygen and Potassium went on a date? Yeah, it went OK. (O is the symbol for oxygen, while K is the symbol for potassium.)Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMgAre you a mixture of Fluoride, Iodine, and Nitrogen cause you are fine.You wanna hear a joke about potassium?.......K ?  You wanna hear a joke about sodium?.......Na You wanna hear a joke about silicon?........Si  You wanna hear a joke about nitrogen and oxygen?.......NO You wanna h ear a joke about tungsten?........WTeacher: Do you know your elements? Student: yeah, maybe... Teacher: isotope so.Are you made of copper and tellurium Because youre pretty CuTe!Q: Why does helium laugh so much? A: Because it goes HeHe (Which is actually a pretty poor joke because helium is monatomic.)Chemist 1: do you have any sodium bromate? Chemist 2: NaBrOWhat does a metal miner write home in a letter to his girlfriend? I am zincing of you all the time!What does Uranium, Nickel, Cobalt, and Radon spell? UNiCoRn!Guys, stop it with the puns. Weve all sulfured enough.My jokes are kinda boron.. but a lot of the good ones argon. Id pay a nickel to hear another joke. These are comedy gold.I was going to tell a periodic table joke but all them argon.They were standing in their yards. Pop the Cd In neighbor!Come on guys, these chemistry jokes are getting a bit boron.Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? A: HeHeWhat do you say when someone takes your gold watc h? Au come back with my watch!What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!Billy was a chemists son but now he is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4!Q: What did one ion say to another? A: Ive got my ion you.My dog died so I had to barium.Protons have mass? I didnt know they were Catholic?Youre so boron Im going to go find a krypton to barium in.A neutron went to buy a drink. He asked the employee how much it is. Employee: For you, no charge! Proton 1: Hey, that man just got a free drink! Proton 2: Are you sure? Proton 1: Im positive!Obama is giving his speech. Joe Wilson says: U Li!!This joke is sodium good. (You have to hear it to get it.)How did the boss speak to the very lazy employee? Fermium, of course!What do you get when you mix helium with steel? flying carsA teacher asks their class what the molecular formula for water is. A student replies HijklmnO. The teacher says no youre wrong. Then the student says didnt you say the formula was H to OAll the elements ar e sitting at the dinner table and neon says Helium dont eat too much! Youre gonna get fat! Helium says No Im not, Im the second lightest here!First person: Do I have a joke on sodium Answer: NaWhat element did the dinosaurs say killed them? ArgonJoke: what does the chemist tell his friends when he goes into an eatery? When I go into a restaurant, iodine.What is uranium fluorine oxygen? Answer: UFOWe should just find all the bad chemistry jokes and just barium.Teacher: Whats the molecular formula of water? Student: HIJKLMNO Teacher: No, thats wrong. Student: But didnt you say water is H to O?Carbon was saying to oxygen hey did you hear about the new phone company O2? And then oxygen said yeah they named it after me. HAHAHAHAHelium walks into a store and asks for his nickel but the manager said, Your brother? Get it? They are both on the periodic table!1st Person: Do you like Iron man, coz I do! 2nd Person: No, he just a big Fe Male!What is a house cats favorite chemical compound? MoUSeI would tell you a good element joke, but they ARGON!!!What do you call iron blowing in the breeze? FebreezeSilicon jokes: Q: Is silicon the same in Spanish? | A: SiQ.Why do chems call Helium, Curium and Barium, phenetical elements? A. coz if you cant Helium or Curium, YOU BARIUMPerson 1: Does anyone know any good jokes about sodium? Person 2: Na  Anyone know any sodium, bromine, or Oxygen jokes? Na BrOChemistry jokes are sodium funny. Hahahahahaahaha  Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says We dont serve nobles gasses here. Argon doesnt react.Lets head on down to the cemetery and get our Krypton.Ii would say a good chem joke but all the good ones ARGONDid you hear? Oxygen and magnesium got together OMg!!Why did the scientist want carbon, Arsenic, and Hydrogen? It makes CAsHSo some helium walks into the bar and says lets Barium!!! everyone screamed. why are you screaming? Asked helium  Cause you want to bury um!!A man walks into a bar and asks for H2O then a 2nd man co mes in and asks for H2O too. The second man died. (The 2nd man asked for H2O2, which is liquid poison.)A neutron walks into a bar and says How much for a beer? The barman says For you NO CHARGE  Q: If H2O is the formula for ice, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.These element jokes are so dead, we should barium.Hydrogen and Oxygen walk into a bar and see Gold... they say Au, get outta the bar!Q: What did the copper say to the steel-er? A: CesiumWhat does a good doctor do for his patients? --HeliumWhats the best formula for breakfast? Barium, Cobalt, and Nitrogen (BaCoN)What did the bar-tender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walked into his bar? OH SNaP!What song starts with Oxygen Hydrogen Sodium Sodium? Oh Na Na, whats my name.A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it. The neutron says Are you sure? The proton replies Im positive.So one guy says to another Wanna hear a pot assium joke? KWhat did two scientists do when their test subject died? BariumWhat animal do you get when you take out the T, A and I in the word Potassium. Possum.If Fe is Iron, then does that mean that a Female is Iron Man?Sodium Bromate Joke: Want some sodium bromate? Na BrO!I would tell you a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon!Want me to tell a potassium joke? K.... Will you accept a sodium joke? Na, im fineI dont want to tell jokes in class because I might get NO REACTIONWhat do tomb robbers do to pyramids? -Radium What did the king say to the guard when the prisoner escaped? -Cesium!Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4How did Arsenals become a strong club in English premier league? Because they are bronzed with Arsenic.What will happen if you get into water and cant zwim? Zinc!What sharp object do you get when you combine potassium, nickel, and iron? -- KNiFeCarbon! - The happy Frenchmans opinion after buying his new automobil e.When my wealthy old aunt passed away I got all the antimony!Whats the name of the element that comes after nine? -- TinWhats the first thing a teenager does after school? -- Radon food in the fridgeWhat did the cowboy do with his horse? -- Rhodium Where did he do it? -- Holmium on the RangeWhat do you do with a dead chemist? Barium. (Explanation: bury em, bury them sounds like barium)Zinc Element Joke: Where do you put dirty dishes? In the zinc.